Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Yunel Escobar is a douche bag.

It doesn't matter if you follow sports or not, you've probably heard the story about Yunel Escobar's blatant assholery. If not, here is a link to the story and the fallout it has created.

I'll sum it up briefly. MLB players are still allowed to write little sayings on their eyeblack. Most of them are sentimental, silly, religious, ritualistic, or whatever. Escobar's was flat out offensive.

In case you don't speak Spanish (don't worry, I don't either), the saying in the eye black "Tu ere maricon" translates directly to "You are a faggot".

Why did Escobar decide to be such an asshole? He said it was "just a joke". I'm not buying it. Maybe it's because he's tired of being such a shitty baseball player... he's only batting .249 with nine homers and 49 RBIs. Maybe he's tired of seeing his Toronto Blue Jays suffer because he couldn't hit a beach ball with a baseball bat if it was floating calmly his way.

Pent up frustration? No, that's probably pissing him off a little bit, but it can't be the only reason.

My theory: Closet homosexual. You heard it here, folks. Behind the hateful words and eyeblack is a crappy baseball player afraid to come out to the world, so he tries to firmly and explicitly distance himself from his own reality.

Fortunately, the Jays did the right thing by condemning and suspendin him for three games, not that it really matters. He sucks, and the Blue Jays have long since been out of the playoff picture. If it were up to me, I'd make him wear "I love weenies" on his face the next time he plays.

There's no word of a fine yet, but I wouldn't be surprised if the MLB laid the hammer pretty hard on him financially. It's not like he's earning the money anyway.

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